Other New Standard Lunacy

Hi. I'm Owl. I'm strung out on a painkiller right now. I thought you should know that.

What? You wanna know why? Fine.

I popped a couple today. They were my wife's, but she can't take them. Sure, that's probably illegal, but hey, as you all know, I'm a rebel.

Last Thursday (forever known as Colin-gate) I took a nap. When I woke up, I felt a pain in my right rib cage. So I waited for the rib to heal up. I thought I had pulled a muscle. It was just a twinge. Sure enough, it soon felt better.

Then it started getting worse a couple of days ago.

Yesterday was miserable. I passed out on the couch at 11 am because I hadn't been able to sleep the night before.

When I got up, it was too late to run to the doctor. And fuck the emergency rooms. A little pain does not justify clogging up the system.

So I had no choice. I had to pop the pill. I watched "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader" while totally buzzed. I have since had two more and neither has worked like the first.

This absolutely sucks. Every breath I breath, every hic I cup, every yawn I yawn, and every cough I cough leads me into a new adventure in pain.

Luckily, my wife's doctor takes walk-ins from 8 am to 9 am.

That DOESN'T absolutely suck.

But the caveat is this: It could be so much worse. A URI is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I'll drive over, he'll diagnose me, maybe stick a needle in my ass, and give me some antibiotics.

But right now, this fucking hurts. I'm not a happy camper. Just because I was too stupid to see a doctor earlier, I should be punished like this? The positive, wonderful person that I am?

The answer is "yes". This is what my ribs and lung are telling me. They are none too happy, either. Have you ever tried to reason with an angry rib?

I didn't bother trying to sleep tonight. Screw it. I'd fall asleep and not get up and end up taking 37 pills over the weekend. That would suck.

I'm pretty sure what's ailing me: I believe it's an upper respiratory infection. I should've gone and gotten some anti-biotics a few days ago. I never said I was smart.

And don't worry. I'm not strung out at all. I'm fine to drive.

And I hope each and every single one of you is really proud of yourself for not getting me my blonde hooker.

I blame this URI on all of you. Because I'm sure as fuck not going to blame myself. Not even a teeny, tiny, microscopic bit. Idiots like me always blame other people.

It's what makes us idiots, don't you know....

(originally posted 4-13-2007)