Other New Standard Lunacy

Way to proofread, genius. Nothing says "professional" to me more than spelling the name of the city you work in incorrectly. Well done. I mean, "Wwel dunn".

Next!

I have reviewed your resume and I have an opening on our sales team in Atlanta that you may be interested in. Annual first year average income is between $75K and 100K+ depending on your performance.

I'd like to learn more about your experience and answer any questions you may have about the position. I would like you to come in for an interview this week at our office in Atlanta.

Okay. First off, I don't fucking CARE what you would like. Two, if you've reviewed my resume like you said--and considering you didn't even put my name in your email I doubt you did--you'd already, uh, KNOW about my background. Asshole.

Next....

Dear Daniel......:

You are cordially invited to an AFLAC Open House on Tuesday, June 5th. It's a chance to meet in person one of Aflac's top regional executives and learn firsthand about their excellent career opportunities. Aflac is currently seeking both Entry Level and Experienced Field Sales Professionals.

Come anytime between 10 AM and 9 PM on Tuesday, June 5th. The event is being held at two places . . .

LOCATION #1: Doubletree Hotel Atlanta NW / Marietta, 2055 South Park Place, Atlanta, GA 30339

LOCATION #2: Country Inn & Suites, 1125 Newnan Crossing Blvd East, Newnan, GA 30265

Team up with AFLAC's "duck" . . . the most recognizable brand in guaranteed renewable supplemental health insurance. Aflac's business is recession-proof. They have strong financial credentials . . . and are widely recognized as a "Top 100 Company" to work for. There are no specific education or experience requirements for these positions. Aflac will provide you with extensive training.

Compensation: Straight commission, including Lifetime Renewals and Annual Stock Bonuses.
First Year Target Earnings: $50,000 to $75,000 . . . with no cap on earnings!

Location: Positions are open throughout the broad Atlanta Metro area.

TO APPLY, come to our OPEN HOUSE on Tuesday, June 5th, anytime between 10 AM to 9 PM, at either the Doubletree Hotel Atlanta NW / Marietta, 2055 South Park Place, Atlanta, GA 30339. . . or . . . at the Country Inn & Suites, 1125 Newnan Crossing Blvd East, Newnan, GA 30265. Please bring your resume with you.

If you are a motivated self-starter, who enjoys working with people, you should take the first step to join this "Top 100" company by coming to one of our Open Houses and meeting, in person, one of Aflac's top regional executives.

Warm regards,

Carissa Blair
Senior Hiring Consultant
The Admin Recruiter

Fucking AFLAC sends me more emails than some porn sites do. Fuck, quit sending me these. I'm not interested in sales. I do, however, think your mascot rules. And Carissa, if you're hot.....feel free to send me some pics of you without clothing. I can only get off on lesbian porn so much before it gets old.

Nah, I'm just joking. Lesbian porn never gets old.

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My name is Jesse Henry and I am a Branch Manager for The Lending Center. You are receiving this email because your resume was posted on Monster.com or careerbuilder.com and caught my eye. We are currently looking for loan officers and processors in Atlanta Georgia that are self motivated and have an interest in six figure income potential in the area.

Hey, Jesse. If my resume "caught your eye", why didn't you even put my name in this email? And if your name is "Jesse", why did the email heading list the name Marc Trachtenberg?

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If you are thinking about changing your career path, or would like to consider it, I would like to see if you qualify to be a part of our team.

Due to growth, in Atlanta, and the surrounding areas, we are looking to hire motivated, career-minded individuals for a professional sales opportunity. Our sales representative position would train and prepare you for an exciting career in the rapidly growing financial services industry.

Please visit us at www.WesternSouthernLife.com/contactus/careers/sales.asp and click on "take our questionnaire". The questionnaire is in three parts, and available in Spanish and English.

Can I take the survey in Spanish, even though I don't speak it? And learn how to use a fucking comma correctly. Due, to, growth, in, Atlanta, and, the,.....

Next!

Dear Daniel.....,

We found your resume on CareerBuilder and have several positions that may interest you. We specialize in jobs at Insurance, Securities, and Financial Planning firms. Industry experience is not required for several of our positions and career changers are welcome.

Please go to www.Closers.net to view our current openings and apply to any that interest you. We have more than 1,000 job openings nationwide in 23 different categories.

Some of our positions include:
Administrative/Clerical
Claims
Customer Service
Employee Benefits
Entry-Level/Internships
Financial Planning
Management/Recruiting/Training
Sales
Sales Assistant
Underwriting

If you do not find a position on our site that interests you, we still encourage you to submit a resume so that you can be contacted about other openings. Please submit your resume online at www.Closers.net/PostResume.htm and select the 'Quick Post' option.

These piss me off more than the sales offers do. A job site spamming another job site to steal it's members takes some balls. By the way, I DID check out the site. It sucks.