1. Always use a sledge hammer when a regular hammer will do.
2. The best comeback to any insult is "fuck you", provided you wait no longer than 4 seconds to say it. And yes, I have a list of "missed opportunities" on THAT.
3. Burn the evidence. If it doesn't burn, bury it in the backyard of somebody you hate. Then tip the cops off from a pay phone.
4. All food is healthy. Otherwise, it wouldn't be food.
5. Drink 8 glasses of water a day. And follow it up with 2 pots of coffee and five Snickers bars (see rule #4).
6. If you're crazy enough to have cats, secure your curtains.
7. The best way to avoid having your identity stolen is to keep a horrible credit rating.
8. The surest way to know that somebody's pulling your chain on-line is if they say "I want to chat with you for a long time. You mean a lot to me."
9. MySpace: Narcissism and free porn!
10. A lie told on-line is still a lie. As opposed to an off-line lie, which is a golf cart.
(Originally posted 9-9-2006)
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