I wish Bernadette would pick ME up."I'm the type of person (fill in blank)". Translation: "I'm the type of person who likes to constantly describe myself, although most of the time I'm not accurate. Or interesting."
"I am outspoken and speak my mind." Translation: "I'm an annoying loudmouth who doesn't know what redundant means."
"I'm just so busy!" Translation: "I'm no busier than everybody else in this hectic world, but I just like to make myself sound important than I really am."
"I want a sugar daddy." Translation: "I'm all about fucks and bucks."
"I love to blog!" Translation: "Somebody should shoot me for using 'blog' as a verb."
"Do you have a profile?" Translation: "Yes, I really AM that stupid and lazy."
"I'm very erotic." Translation: "I'm a horndog." (This is a wonderful thing, of course.)
"My wife doesn't understand me." Translation: "My wife understands me perfectly, unfortunately."
"I've never done steroids." Translation: "Of course I did steroids, but good luck actually proving it, suckers."
"My name on that site is 'oralogist', get it?" Translation: "Don't expect anything deeper than 'let's fuck' from me. In fact, if I'm even THAT subtle, consider yourself lucky."
"Phone sex basically amounts to masturbation while talking to someone on the phone." Translation: "I'm stupid, and I think you are too."
(originally posted on 10/05/2006)
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